


A Damaging Touch Can Repair

by starlightoffandoms (destinyofdreams)



Series: Follower Fics [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 100th follower fic, Alternate Universe - Human, Bullying mentioned, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mild Language, Not Beta Read, Revenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-29
Updated: 2015-01-29
Packaged: 2018-03-09 12:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3250277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destinyofdreams/pseuds/starlightoffandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas was bullied by Dean in high school.  Over ten years had pass since the last time Cas had seen him.  He wanted revenge for all the issues Dean had caused.  With Gabriel's help they come up with a plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Damaging Touch Can Repair

**Author's Note:**

> I reached my first 100 followers on tumblr and gave a fic as a prize. Guess what, three people followed at the exact same time. So this is the final fic. I should have probably made a series for them. Hmm. Hindsight.
> 
> Follower: Yourmiracles
> 
> Prompt: a prompt was set so I just kind of filled one that was on my list to write
> 
> OTP: Destiel

Cas couldn’t believe his eyes.  It had been at least ten years since the last time he had seen Dean Winchester.  Cas caught himself before he went over to him.  He sat at the table and just watched as Dean talked with his friend.  Cas sipped his tea and spared a few glances over to Dean.  Cas was glad that he had taken a table by the door because it meant Dean had to walk by him.

“Alright Sammy I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Don’t forget because Bobby will have your head,” Sam walked out the door and down the sidewalk but Dean returned to the table.

Cas was pleased to find that the other man was just his younger brother.  He still wanted to go over and talk to him but couldn’t find the courage.  He looked back over to the table and froze when his eyes met Dean’s. Dean smiled and gave a nod.  Cas smiled back and looked back down at his book.  He gave himself a few minutes before he stood and gathered his things.  He hoped he didn’t appear as rushed as he felt when he fled the café.

 

“Yes that Dean Winchester Anna,” Cas sighed into the phone while he paced his apartment.

“Did he recognize you?”

“Of course not.  I’m like a foot taller and a hundred pounds lighter.  Unless I put on a fat suit and stop wearing contacts he isn’t going to notice me.”

“Then you should say hi to him if you see him again.  Grade school was years ago.”

“I wasn’t grade school,” Cas sighed again and tried not to yell at his sister, “I was 17 and he was 15.”

“You let yourself be bullied by someone younger than you?” Anna’s voice took an amuse tilt.

“Anna don’t you dare laugh at me.  I was overweight, short and vulnerable.  I was so glad to graduate and leave that place behind.  I hated going to school.”

“Well that was years ago.  You’ve dropped a ton of height, grown at least eight inches and you’re a big time stock broker.  Dean would be an ass to bully you now.  Plus you’re 28 now.  You’re way too old to hold a grudge against your high school bully.”

“I guess you’re right.  Well I need to call Gabriel for our weekly chat.  I’ll talk to you later.”

“Alright.  Let me know what happens if you see him again.”

“Will do later.”

Cas hung up with his sister and dialed his brother’s number.

“Hey Cassy.”

“Don’t call me that,” Cas rolled his eyes.

“How’s your week been?”

Cas went over his week and went on to tell Gabriel about Dean.

“Oh I’ve got a plan,” Gabriel spilled a deviously perfect plan.

“That sounds wonderful.  I’m in.  You were a much better call than Anna.”

<<<<>>>> 

Cas frequented the café over the next few days and was rewarded on the third day.  Dean was there.  Cas had just walked in.  He smiled and stood in the queue to place his order.  He picked the table furthest from Dean but still in eye sight.  Cas pulled out his laptop and set to work looking busy.

Gabriel had come up with a brilliant plan and Cas had been more than ecstatic to do it.  He even dressed better than he usually would and he wore blue to bring out his eyes.  He knew that he looked appealing.  He just had to wait for Dean to be enticed.  It didn’t take long.

“Excuse me,” Dean sat down at his table, “can I borrow a pen a paper please?” he had his phone pressed to his ear.

“Sure,” Cas handed him his pen and tore a piece of paper from his notebook.

“Thanks,” he smiled and looked at the paper as he wrote, “okay.  Yes I know where that is.  Okay.  Yes. I can be there around nine tomorrow morning.  Mm hmm.  Okay.  Thanks so much.  I’ll see you in the morning,” he hung up handed Cas his pen back, “thanks.  I just moved back to town and trying to find a place to live.”

“Oh,” Cas turned back to his laptop.

“Were you in here a few days ago?”

“I’m in here most every day.  Free wifi and refills on coffee,” Cas replied without looking up.

“Oh okay.  Thanks again for the pen.  See ya ‘round,” Dean stood and went back to his table.

Cas fought himself to make sure he didn’t look up.  It was hard to be standoffish to Dean but it was part of the plan.

 

Dean watched the man walk into the café and knew that it was the same man as before.  He tried not to think about the man as he was there to work on finding a new place to live since he returned.  He loved Sam but could not live with him and Ruby for the rest of his life.  Dean looked up at the man then back down at the newspaper.  His phone buzzed on his hip.

“Dean Winchester,” Dean answered and took the time to stare at Cas, “oh yes.  This is the grey and blue prairie style house right?  Awesome.  So it is three bedroom and two and a half baths?  Perfect.  Yes I would love to come by and see it.  Sure.  Lemme grab something to write with.”

Dean looked around and realized he hadn’t brought in his notebook.  He had been putting everything in his phone.  He sighed then looked over to Cas.  Dean closed his eyes and took a breath.  He walked over to Cas’ table.  He was glad that Cas had helped him out but was a little taken aback by his attitude.

Dean returned to his table and finished his coffee.  He left a few bills on the table and walked from the café.  He looked through the window at Cas then headed to his car.  He got in his car and hooked the phone up to the dock and called his brother.

“Hey Dean.”

“I got a house to look at tomorrow.  It’s the prairie style one in Sandston.”

“That’s awesome.  That isn’t too far from us and it’s a quick commute to get to work.  It’ll have plenty of space to raise a family.”

“I’m single Sam.  I ain’t raising no family,” Dean laughed.

“Well you never know.  Maybe the real estate dude is single and you guys can adopt.  Or maybe there’s a single lady neighbor that is looking for the right man.  She likes your place better and you get married.  You never know.  You’re an aerospace engineer and people find that sexy.”

“No.  People find my salary sexy.  So is Ruby cooking tonight or can I get in the kitchen?”

“I think you can.  She’s feeling the seventh month pretty rough today.  She came home early from work.”

“How will you manage Mr. Stay-at-home-dad?  You will go bankrupt without her working,” Dean teased.

“I work from home you jerk.”

“Bitch.  When is that next chapter due anyway?”

“I have time.  Pamela isn’t expecting it until next month.”

“My brother the author.  I’m proud of you man.”

“I have to go.  Maria just woke from her nap.”

“I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”

Dean hung up and headed to the furniture store to look at things for his new house.  His break up with Lisa had been mutual but she had kept the house and all the furnishings.  He had left in the night with a few boxes and two bags.  Dean shook his head and tried not to dwell on it.  He was happy in Virginia with his brother.  It was better for him and closer to the job he had been transferred to.

<<<<>>>> 

Dean pulled up in front the house and grabbed his bag.  He took a deep breath and went to the door.  The front door was already open and he peered in.  Dean didn’t see anyone so he tapped on the screen door.  There was no answer.  Dean tried the handle and walked in when it was unlocked.

“Hello is anyone here?”

“I’ll be right down,” a voice called from upstairs.

Dean waited by the front stairs as he looked around.

“Sorry about that.  I had to make sure everything was presentable.  My brother was supposed to show you around but had something come up.  Since this was our old house he figured I’d be good at it,” Cas came down the stairs, “oh it’s you.”

“Oh,” Dean turned and smiled, “well this is a happy coincidence.”

“Sure.  Um,” Cas stopped in front of him, “I’m Cas.  Gabriel had a thing with his wife,” he lied flawlessly.

“Not a problem at all,” Dean held out his hand, “I’m Dean.  It’s very nice to formally meet you.”

“You weren’t just throwing a line at me when you said you had just moved back.  I’m sorry for the way I acted.  I get hit on more than I would like.  I thought that it was a line,” Cas shook his hand.

“Ha, I guess it does sound like a line.”

“Well let me show you around.  We had to redo the kitchen two years back because Gabriel thought that he was Gordon Ramsey and proceeded to almost burn the entire house down.  All damage has been repaired.  I made sure that he put that in the disclosure that I have for you.  The plus side is that you have all new appliances and cabinets.  He moved out shortly after and the house has been on the market since the repairs were finished a little over a year ago.”

“Well that’s lucky for me.”

“You’re right.  It means my brother will sell cheap if you decide to buy instead of rent,” Cas stopped in the middle of the large living room, “this was my favorite room.  I love the window seat.  I used to curl up and read there all the time.  I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say about each room so uh this is the living room,” he chuckled.

“It’s probably better that you’re here instead.  Sometimes real estate people try to make things sound better than they are or use flowery language.  I like that it’s just the living room you grew up in.”

“Thanks.  Uh, if you walk back this way,” Cas led him along the back of the living room to the entry way of the kitchen and dining room, “this is the kitchen.  There’s a breakfast nook there and then the formal dining room here.  I used to also sit and read in the breakfast nook.  My mom set me my own table there.  I also learned to cook in this kitchen.”

“You like to read.  That means you’re probably really smart.”

“I guess,” Cas shrugged.

“So you grew up around here or moved here later Cas?” Dean asked as he walked around the kitchen.

“I grew up here.  I left for college and came back about five years ago,” Cas smiled.  _He really doesn’t remember me._

“So we’re all returning home huh?” Dean smiled as he stepped into his space.

“It would seem.  Would you like to see the upstairs and the rest of the house?” Cas’ eyes went to Dean’s lips.

“How far away do you live from here Cas?” Dean dropped his voice.

“Um about fifteen minutes,” Cas swallowed.

“Then I’ll take it,” Dean leaned in and brushed his lips over Cas’.

Cas inhaled sharply but didn’t move away.  He actually pressed forward and let their lips move together.  He moaned softly.

“I’ve been thinking about that since the first day I saw you,” Dean whispered and pressed forward again.

“Dean,” Cas pulled back a minute later, “we don’t know each other.  We cannot just make out in my childhood home.”

“You’re right.  Let me take you out to dinner.  We can celebrate me getting this lovely home at such a good rate.”

“Oh.  Sure that sounds good.”

“Give me your phone and I’ll put my number in it.”

Cas pulled his phone from his pocket and handed it over to Dean.  Dean entered his number and sent himself a text to have Cas’ number.

“I’ll call you tonight with a time and place.”

“Sure.”

Dean signed the paperwork and Cas signed on behalf of Gabriel.  Dean left with a hop in his step and headed to Sam’s place.

 

Cas watched as Dean pulled off.  As soon as he was gone Cas picked up the phone and called Gabriel.

“It worked like a charm,” Cas laughed, “this will be easier than we thought.  He kissed me Gabe.  Right in the middle of the kitchen.  He asked me out for dinner tonight.”

“Great!  Plan pay-Dean-back part one is done.  Now you just have to be your charming self and get him to fall for you.  I’ll be doing interviews for part two over the next few weeks.  We have to find the best guy.”

“Yes.  I’ll bring the contracts over and we’ll get on with the next part.”

“Alright.  See you in a little bit.  I do have an actual house that I need to show today.”

 

Dean waited out front of the restaurant and hoped that it was enough to keep Cas interested.  Dean was glad he had decided to change when he saw Cas.  He had dressed in slacks and royal blue button down that made his eyes stand out even more. Dean licked his lips and smiled at Cas.

“Hello Dean,” Cas batted his eyes and kissed Dean on the cheek.

“Hey Cas,” Dean blushed.

Dean led the way into the restaurant.  They were seated and looked over the menus in silence.  Once they placed their orders and had nothing left to distract them they stared at each other.  Dean ducked his head because of the intensity of Cas’ stare.

“How have you been enjoying your time back here?” Cas initiated the conversation.

“It’s been good.  Really good.  I’ve been staying with my brother and his wife Ruby.  They were so great to let me stay with them while I found a place.”

“What made you come back?” Cas sipped his water.

“A breakup and job opportunity,” Dean answered easily.

“What do you do for a living?”

“I’m an aerospace engineer.”

“Oh,” Cas nodded.

Cas had not planned for Dean to be that intelligent.  He had displayed dumb jock tendencies while in school and Cas has assumed that he was in a sports related field.

“I get that a lot,” Dean chuckled nervously, “I wasn’t prepared to really go into the field.  There was this kid I went to school with,” he looked down for a moment, “we weren’t really friends.  In fact I was kind of a jerk to him.  But one day he asked me what was I gonna do with my life.  Was I going to just continue to beat up people that were different?  I was a bit of a bully back then.  He got me into thinking about my future.  I wasn’t dumb by a long shot but I believed that I had to act that way.  I wanted to fit in.  We had just moved here and I wanted to be part of the in crowd.  He graduated after that and I never saw him again.  When I started school the next year I left all that shit behind and focused on my studies.  I didn’t want to be that idiot jock.  Math and science came so easy so I just picked a field that I enjoyed and went after it.  Here I am,” he looked back up into Cas’ forever blue eyes.

“Wow.  So one kid changed your life.  You said he graduated.  You were younger than him?” Cas bit his lip to keep himself quiet.

“Yeah,” Dean blushed, “I was two years younger but more of an ass with something to prove.  He was overweight, a brainiac and dressed differently.  He was the easiest guy to gang up on.  He had this weird name.  Everyone picked on him.  I wanted to fit in so I did too.  When I got accepted to university I wanted to thank him but no one knew where he was.  I never got the chance to let him know he changed my life.  I wanted to apologize to him.  I treated him like shit and I felt bad after the next year.  I hear he’s some big shot up in Wall Street now.  Figures.  Someone that dorky would become rich.”

“Hmm.”

“Enough about me,” Dean sipped his drink.

They paused conversation when their food arrived.

“So what is it that you do Cas?” Dean asked as he cut into his steak.

“I work in finance.”

“Oh interesting I guess.  Any other family than Gabriel?”

Cas knew he had to be careful here.  Too much information would give him away and not enough would make him come off as secretive.  People only knew them by their full names so Cas knew that he could play on that.

“I do.  I have a sister Anna.  She and Gabriel are older and then I have a younger brother Ezra.  We’re not as close as we used to be but we’re working on it.”

“Good.  Family is important.  I have a nephew on the way and I can’t wait to meet him.  Maria and Sam Jr are my life.  I can’t wait to have my own little ones one day.”

“Do you plan to adopt or use a surrogate?”

“It all depends.  If I marry someone that cannot carry children I think we’ll use a surrogate so that our DNA is there.  If I marry someone that can carry then it’ll be all natural you know.”

“Oh,” Cas’ eyes went wide, “you like both.”

“I would say a little more than both.  I don’t know who will be the one and I don’t know their gender.  I like to keep my options open.”

“Hmm.”

“Does that scare you off?”

“Not at all.”

“So there could be a second date?” Dean looked hopeful.

“There will most definitely be a second date.”

“Good.”

<<<<>>>> 

Dean sat down with Sam at the table in the kitchen of his house.  Sam had come over to have lunch while Maria was in school and Ruby was at work.

“You and Cas have been dating a for a couple of months now.  When do I get to meet him?”

“I was thinking of doin’ dinner here Friday and having you guys over.  I think I’m fallin’ for him Sam,” Dean hid his smile behind his mug as he took a sip.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Dean blushed, “he’s great.  He’s everything I could ever want in a partner.  He’s funny, brilliant, patient, loving, hardworking, compassionate and just amazing.  I think that when his lease is up I’m going to ask him to move in.  I want him to be mine.”

“Wow Dean.  I am proud of you.  What about the others that you have been seeing?”

“Well I told Rachel, Ion and Cassie that I was going into a serious relationship.  Cas and I talked last week about going monogamous he was excited.”

“Holy shit Dean you really do care for him,” Sam stared at his brother.

“Yeah.  I think I love him and I know that I am falling in love with him.”

“Do you think you’ll marry him?”

“It’s a little too soon for that kind of talk but I do see us going the distance.”

“I don’t even know what to say.  You haven’t been like this before.  Not even with Lisa.  You cared deeply for Lisa but you never had that look in your eyes before,” Sam gave his brother a warm smile.

“I know right.  I think he feels the same though.  He gave me a key to his place last week so I mean that’s something right.  I’m gonna go over there tonight and make dinner as a surprise for him.  I called Gabriel to get his favorite foods.  I’m gonna give him a key here after dinner.”

“You are so in love,” Sam teased.

“Whatever.”

 

Dean walked up the stairs to Cas’ townhouse.  He used his key to let him in.  He sat the bags on the counter in the kitchen.  He heard a noise upstairs and went up.

“Cas?  You home early?” Dean walked down the hall to the bedroom and pushed the door open.

Dean’s mouth dropped open as he took in the sight before him.

Cas had another man under him.  He had the man pressed to the mattress as he plowed into him.

“So fuckin’ tight Aaron.  So good.  Gonna come so hard,” Cas groaned as he fell over Aaron.

“Cas,” Dean called.

Cas stopped and looked behind him to the door.

“Dean.  Wh-what are you doing here?” Cas pulled out of Aaron and covered up the best he could.

“Cas.  H-how,” Dean’s face fell and the hurt showed through, “we talked about just us.”

Dean ran from the room.  He grabbed his keys off the counter and fled the townhouse.  Dean got in his car and sped from the parking lot.  Tears streamed hotly down his cheeks as he headed back to the city.  He needed his brother’s comfort and he didn’t want to go back to the house that had once been Cas’.

 

Cas grinned and finished up with Aaron.  He sent him home after.  He took a quick shower then called Gabriel.

“Part two has been completed.”

“And how does it feel to get your revenge?” Gabriel asked cheerfully.

Cas frowned a moment and looked at the rumpled sheets.

“Not as good as I thought it would,” Cas bit his lip, “Gabe.  I think I may have screwed this up.”

“Cassy please tell me you didn’t catch feelings for this guy.  He beat you up, stole your lunch money, flushed your homework, and destroyed two of your projects and so much more just to fit in.  He was a fucking bully.  Dean made your senior year hell.  He deserved this.”

“I know.  I know Gabe,” Cas shook his head, “it just didn’t feel as victorious as I thought it would.  He looked so hurt.”

“Castiel,” Gabriel sighed, “he hurt you.  Remember when I had to take you to the emergency room because you cut yourself too deep?  Remember that?  I sure as fuck do.  I remember the blood and I remember the stitches.  I remember carrying you half conscious to the car.  I also remember cleaning up a ton of blood from my car.  Castiel this was what you wanted and what he deserved.”

“I know.  It is.  How come I don’t feel the good high that I expected?”

“I dunno.  Just let it go.  You’ll never have to see him again.”

“You’re right.  Okay.  I’ve got to clean these sheets.  I’ll see you later.”

“Laterdays.”

Cas ripped the sheets from the bed and carried them to the washer in the hall.  As he poured the detergent over the sheets he felt the pang in his chest and his throat tightened for a moment.  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  Was it the right thing to do?

 

Dean let Sam hold him.  He cried for the first time since they had lost their dad.  Dean knew that Sam would comfort him without any questions asked.  Dean pulled back and wiped his face with his hands.

“You wanna talk about it now?”

“This morning was so perfect.  I told you everything.  I,” Dean cleared his throat, “I went to his place to make him dinner.  Cas was already home.  He was in the bedroom,” he closed his eyes, “he was in bed with someone else.”

“Oh Dean.”

“Why does this hurt so much?  It could have been just sex right?  I should go back to him.”

“Are you sure?  I mean, if you guys had agreed to see no one else and you caught him do you really want to go back to him?  He wasn’t expecting you to be there.  How many times could he have done this?” Sam rubbed Dean’s shoulder.

“You’re right.  You’re so right.  I should call Gabriel and tell him I need to move out at the end of the month.  I can’t stay in that house.  Cas pointed out so much.  I can’t be there with those memories,” Dean shook his head.

“I’ll make the call.  Where’s your phone?”

“In my jacket.”

Sam got up and got the phone from his jacket.  He pulled up Gabriel’s number and paused.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.  Gabriel Milton?  So his brother is Castiel.  You’re dating Castiel Milton?” Sam walked back to Dean.

“What?  I guess that’s Cas’ real name.  You know I never asked.  Do you know him?”

“Dean,” Sam sat back down by him, “I can’t believe you don’t remember.  You bullied the hell outta that kid.”

“What?”

“Castiel was the kid you used to bully.  You’re in a relationship with your ex-victim.  Oh shit,” Sam began to think and he frowned at Dean, “do you have a picture?”

“Sure,” Dean took the phone from Sam and pulled up a picture he had taken with Cas, “this is him.”

“Fuck no wonder you don’t recognize him.  He had to have dropped like 80 or 90 pounds.  Let me get my year book,” Sam handed Dean the phone and went to his room.

Dean stared at the picture.  He remembered Castiel.  He shook his head.  There was no way that his Cas was Castiel.

“Here,” Sam pointed out a picture of Castiel, “this is the same guy.”

“Holy shit.  Sam,” Dean’s eyes went wide, “fuck.  I haven’t changed much in appearance besides filling out.  Do you think that he knew me?”

“Dean for sure he knew you.  I think him and his trickster older brother got together and ran a scam on you.  You said that you had called Gabriel to get Cas’ favorite foods.  Did you happen to tell him when you were going to do this?”

“I did,” Dean angst turned to anger, “that son of a bitch.  They,” he growled, “they set this up.”

“I think so Dean.  I’m sorry.  I think that this was pay back for what you had done to Cas in the past.”

“How could they?” Dean’s face fell again, “this is sick.  Why would you mess with someone’s heart like this?”

“Why would you steal a guy’s lunch money or shove him down the stairs or pour glue in his milk?” Sam shrugged.

“But we were just kids.”

“Dean that type of behavior changes people.  He thought that since you apparently didn’t recognize him that he could get away with it.  Maybe you should try and talk with him.  I mean you care for him Dean.  Even after this I can still see it in you.  Give him some time to breathe then call him.”

“But Sam.  He cheated.  With an ugly guy at that.  Okay maybe he wasn’t ugly but dammit.”

“I know.  It hurts like hell right now but give it time and try to work things out.”

“No.  He did this.  We’re grownups Sam.  It’s been like a decade.  Why the hell do this now?”

“You hurt him a lot back then.  Don’t you know he almost killed himself?”

“What?” Dean looked up at his brother.

“That’s a story for after you work this out.  Just know that what seemed like normal kid behavior to you affected him differently.  He felt that this was equal payback,” Sam shrugged.

“Thanks for talking.  I think I’m gonna go home and rest.  I have a big project coming up I need to get prepared for.”

“Alright.  If you need me let me know,” Sam stood with his brother and hugged him, “do you want me to call Gabriel?”

“Neh.  I’ll sleep on it.”

“Okay.”

Dean hugged him one more time then headed home.

<<<<>>>> 

It had been three weeks and Cas couldn’t figure out why he was in a funk.  He hadn’t been able to sleep and he had only been average at work.  Cas had been a complete mess.  He grabbed his computer and headed down to the café.  Cas walked in and froze.

Cas blinked a few times before he stepped into the queue.  He kept his eyes forward and prayed that Dean wouldn’t see him.  Cas looked down at his rumpled appearance and closed his eyes angry with himself for not taking more time to get dressed.  He placed his order and sat in the back on the opposite side of the café.

“Cas,” the barista called a few minutes later.

Cas groaned and wished he had given a different name.  He walked up and grabbed his drink and Danish then went back to his table.  He felt Dean’s eyes on him the entire time but ignored him.

It took ten minutes before Dean approached him.

“Hey can I have a seat?” Dean mumbled.

“Um sure.”

Dean sat down and placed his cup on the table.  They didn’t look at each other but didn’t move either.

“I’m sorry Castiel.  I never meant to hurt you.  If I had known who you were I would have right off the bat apologized.  That story from our first date, it was you that I was talking about.  You changed my life.  That day you fought back when it was just you and me and you just talked shit back at me.  You told me about myself and made me realize I was wasting my potential.  I’m so sorry for anything that I have done to you.  I wish I could go back in time and change it for you.”

“Dean,” Cas breathed, “I too am sorry.  I shouldn’t have hurt you like that.  It was too much.  I inadvertently hurt myself.  Apparently I have feelings for you Dean.  That thing with the guy was to spite you and make you hurt like I did all those years ago.  But it hurt me too.  I have been miserable.”

“I can tell,” Dean smiled softly.

“Yeah.  I may have taken a nap and just walked out the house.”

“Can we start over?”

“I dunno,” Cas shrugged, “maybe we can try being friends.”

“Do friends have sex?  I’m just saying that I have been looking forward to having sex with you and I never got to,” Dean looked at his hands.

“Wow that’s very forward.  Let’s try friends first.  Then we can see,” Cas couldn’t help but smile because he had thought he same thing.

“Okay.  I have to let you know that I was very hurt when I saw you that night,” Dean ran his finger along the lid of his coffee, “I haven’t cried since my dad died.  That night I did.  Cas,” he looked up through his lashes, “I have to let you know I am in this 100%.  I can’t take another heartache like the last couple of weeks.  If you are just toying with me let me know.  I don’t want to invest into this and then have it shoved back in my face.  I will not take it so lightly.”

“I know.  It probably doesn’t mean much to you because of how this happened but I was devastated as well.  Dean, I went into this trying to get back at you.  Along the way I fell in love with you.  I didn’t even realize it until I didn’t get that feeling of relief and satisfaction after you left.  Then when I saw the groceries.  You were there,” Cas took Dean’s hand, “you were there to make it more.  I found the key.  If you want it back I’ll give it to you.”

Dean stayed quiet as Cas held his hand.  There was so much anger that he wanted to pass on.  He wanted to shout and put Cas in his place.  He wanted to break him down.  In the end Dean realized that if he had not done those things before to Cas they would not be where they were.  Dean squeezed his hand.

“That will be a trust building device.  I will leave it with you.  I just want you to know how much that means to me.  I told you about Lisa.  She and I were hot and heavy.  I thought of her as my one and only.  It never took off like we both hoped.  She found someone else.  I feel for you something that was never between Lisa and me.  I am still upset but I think that the more we talk and the more we move forward the better this ache inside will get.  I can’t let you go as much as a part of me is screaming to.  I want to be with you. If you ever tell my brother that I talked about my feelings this much then I will have to kill you,” Dean grinned.

“I take it that you’re not very vocal about how you feel and what you want.”

“I’m not.  I tend to hold things all pent up and let them fester.  Sam told me I needed to get this out or I’d be angry with your forever and do something I would regret.”

“Like sleeping in my bed while I’m at work?” Cas teased.

“Shit you noticed,” Dean looked down as he blushed.

“You forgot to put the alarm back on and I could smell you on my sheets.  I loved it.  I needed it.”

“Oh.”

“So hello Dean.  I’m Cas.  I don’t know if you remember me from high school or not,” Cas shook Dean’s hand.

“Hmm you look familiar.”

“I hope not too familiar since I dropped another person worth of weight,” Cas grinned.

“Well you look fantastic.  But I bet you get told that a lot.”

“Not from someone as handsome as you.”

“Oh really?  Hey Cas you want to get outta here and go get a proper meal?” Dean stood.

“That sounds amazing Dean.”

Cas packed up his computer and finished his coffee.  Cas felt the weight lift off of him as they headed out to Dean’s car.  They rode in silence and Cas realized that he needed Dean and that was why it had not felt satisfying to do wrong by him.  He had needed to repair the bond that had existed even through all the tough times. 

Dean glanced over to Cas and knew that he would marry him whether he wanted to or not.  He smiled at the thought of Cas being gagged as they were being married by his friend Garth.

“What’s so funny?”

“I’m gonna marry you.”

“Oh,” Cas blinked slowly and gave nod, “okay then.”

“Good you’re okay with it.”

Dean took Cas’ hand and finally felt like he had made up for his old behavior.  He had become the man he had wanted to be.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for all the love! I will do a fic giveaway again when I get my next 100 plus something special to that person. Thanks for hanging around and reading this as well. All mistakes are mine. I will probably read over it in another couple of weeks again and correct any issues. I let it sit for two days but I didn't want to miss my deadline. I love you guys!


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